~eight-year-old Christopher~
~faces his terrible illness~ ~& parents who cannot deal with the awful truth~ ~his friends~ ~the birds~ ~carry him away~ ~what a child may teach adults~
~ready & willing to learn~
~Christopher Early~
Christopher likes to wake up early. He presses the red button on the coffee maker so Mommy’s coffee will be ready when she gets out of bed. He goes to the cupboard and gets his favorite bowl. It has a smiley face in the bottom and ‘Christopher’ written in cursive on the side. It’s kinda crooked cause he made it himself last year in the second grade. His teacher, Mrs. Garcia, said it slipped when she fired it. Still, it’s a good bowl. He likes the way it makes him feel.
There’s a special box Mommy keeps with her sewing things just for Christopher. It has a spool of thread and a large sewing needle in it. On special early mornings he gets it and sets it next to his bowl on the table. He climbs up on a chair and takes a box of Froot Loops from the high shelf. He puts the chair away and fills his bowl with his favorite cereal, smiling at the goofy bird on the box.
Finally he sits down. He opens the tin sewing box and takes out the spool of thread. He rolls out a length of it, just right, then breaks it off. He licks the end of the thread, twists it between his fingers, guides it carefully through the eye of the needle. He stabs the needle through the holes of the Froot Loops in his bowl, then holds it up and releases them, watching them wiggle down the string. When there is only about six inches of string showing, he holds the ends together and makes a knot. He slips the circle of thread over his head and hums a little song his Daddy made for him. He repeats this procedure thirteen more times, except the new circles hold only five Froot Loops each.
Christopher carries the thirteen tiny necklaces in his cupped hands to the window of his bedroom. He sets them of the sill, then slides the window open. He arranges the necklaces in a nice neat row, then proceeds to wait for his Winter friends. They always come, first one, then two, then all the rest. They hop and twist their tiny heads, wild eyes and Christopher flies.
He used to play outside. Daddy and Mommy would hold his hands and swing him, one two three, up in the air. Mommy would push him in the swing and sometimes, when Daddy went, he would grip the back of Christopher’s swing and run all the way under him, flinging Christopher high into the air. Christopher would beg for these ‘cannon balls’ and Mommy would finally give him and Daddy one of her ‘serious’ looks and say, “Just one!”
That’s how Christopher’s leg got broken. When Daddy went under him, Christopher felt a whoosh of air between his bottom and the swing. Then he hung there for a while, suspended in the air. Sometimes he can still feel himself there, floating, before falling to the ground. His leg was twisted and it hurt real bad so Mommy and Daddy bundled him up and rushed him to the hospital. Sure enough, his leg was broken. The doctor set it and put it in a cast but that wasn’t the worst of the problem. Christopher was a bleeder, a hemophiliac. So they kept him in the hospital for a couple of days, helping his blood and monitoring him.
No more ‘cannon balls’. A year later, when Christopher began to feel very sick, no park either. He had a big grown-up disease and people were afraid of and for him. That’s when he began to make necklaces and fly away with his new friends. Mommy and Daddy weren’t happy anymore. They wore sad smiles and talked and wept late into the night. Christopher heard them but pretended not to know. They took him to lots of doctors and hospitals and sometimes when they returned home and Christopher felt a little better it almost seemed as if they could all be happy again. Until the next time.
One morning Christopher’s legs hurt so bad he had to use the walker-thing to make it from the bedroom to the kitchen. He climbed painfully onto the chair and almost fell getting his Froot Loops from the high shelf. He made it though. The pain tried to make him cry but he wouldn’t let it. The house was already full of tears. He started the coffee and made his necklaces. This time, only this time, he forced his stiff aching fingers to make two extra big ones. He put them in a circle around Mommy and Daddy’s coffee cups.
He put the thirteen tiny necklaces on his fingers, wearing them like happy delicious rings. He gripped the walker-thing, careful not to damage the gifts he had made for his friends. He was kneeling on his bed, arms resting on the window sill, small hands palm up and reaching out the window. He was too tired to take the rings off but it didn’t matter. This time, only this time, his friends flew to him, their wings fluttering kisses against his face, their tiny mouths careful not to injure him as they walked his palms, then flew away with the gifts he had made. And this time, only this time, Christopher flew away with them.
Christopher’s Mommy is mad. She drives her car with tears in her eyes, her face a mindless contortion of pain’s window. There are seven directions to go, she knows, East and West, North and South, Up into the Heavens, Down into Mother Earth, finally into Self. She ignores all six of the former and swims her tears into the latter. Mommy, what’s the matter? She drives to the car park and walks in her trance to the place with the marble stone.
Out of her bag comes a crooked little bowl, a tiny tin box and a colorful carton of breakfast cereal with a cartoon caricature of a goofy bird on the front. She sets the bowl on the stone and sits herself down in the snow. Her dress is old and her legs are cold as she makes a necklace for Christopher, then one for herself. She drops hers over her head, then makes a circle around the bowl with the other. She proceeds then to make the small ones, how many, how many, she wonders. She is mad for the answer as if it might fly her Christopher back into her starving arms.
Christopher’s Daddy is sad. He drives his truck with fear in his eyes. He drives North and South, East and West, but never ventures into the haunted worlds of the remaining three directions. He always finds her there, after all, at the far ends of the path of those four, physically anyway.
He tries to talk to her, to make her wear a blanket against the dark early morning chill. He loves her too much and forever and she pulls him down and down to sit next to her in the cold snow. She takes his face in her hands and asks him, “How many, how many?” He sits with her, joins her forlorn and lost agony. They weep in their Winter hearts like two mad and lost, unhappy children, beseeching the Gods.
They lay down as the sun comes low and flat, out of the East, one on each side of the stone. These are the places they have made for themselves, their hands reaching, fingers touching, over the mouth of the smiling bowl. The sun brings his tiny messengers, with their sweet songs of the crisp winter morning, wings smooth and fast against the silence of the dawn.
Their bodies are numb and that is good. The dumb pain of their mutual loving and hating, lost in the freezing sorrow of endless waiting. Dear God, forever is here.
Christopher likes to wake up early.
http://wordwulf.com WordWulf Inquiries: tracy@traceliteraryagency.com & wordwulf@wordwulf.com ©artwork & words conceived by & property of Tom (WordWulf) Sterner© ~Christopher Early was first published in Writers Room Magazine~
~Nana Candle~{a Christmas story}
Sitting on her sofa in the living room, Maggie stared entranced at the gaily twinkling lights on the Christmas tree. Closing her eyes, she breathed in its wonderful and natural pine scent. The outdoorsy smell reminded her of camping trips in the mountains. Her son Michael and husband Michael were roasting marshmallows over the campfire in her mind. She smiled and reached for them with a trembling hand.
A vivid memory of Big Mike's voice interrupted her. The errant hand joined its mate in her lap. "Just think, Darlin'," he said, "When Mikey goes off to college, we can get us one of those little four foot trees in a box. They come with lights attached. Ya just plug 'em in, hang whatever ornaments you want on 'em and you're all set! No drivin' and cuttin', no needles all over the place."
"Mike, I do so love the way they... Oh!" She opened her eyes and buried her face in her hands. "I am not going to cry!" she admonished herself. A single tear slipped out and she flicked it away with her fingers. She remembered them very well, those seven Christmases past. Reliving them was like thumbing a recipe card file, a flutter of Maggie's years in three by five clicks.
All those seven years ago she lost her Big Mike. He was larger than life and after that he was larger than death. She and Mikey distributed his ashes amongst the pines in his favorite camping spot. How he loved his Colorado home, the clear spitting splendor of the Rocky Mountains. The first couple of years after his death, while Mikey was away at college, she visited the spot. It felt better than the cemetery where he had never been while living, more like a part of him. He wasn't there though, not in one place or the other. A large part of what she was, what her life had stood for, Big Mike, was just gone.
Five years ago Mikey met a girl. She was a wild thing. Anybody could see that, anybody but Mikey that is. He brought her home to meet Maggie but she soon got bored. Mikey gave Mom a wink, cut his visit short, and took her back to that wild college town and all their doings. Maggie gave her own arm a pinch. “Listen to you,” she chastised herself, “Sitting around with your maudlin thoughts like a bitter old woman, better off to count your blessings.” But she was unable to stop herself. She thought of Mikey's girl as the awful wonderful. The awful being that she would steal Maggie's son and wonderful, the baby boy she left him with when she finally lit out for greener pastures.
Now Maggie was Nana and Mikey was Big Mike. Mikey’s Little Mikey was Mikey and how Maggie loved that little boy. She was reluctant at first to take him in but Mikey, her son, begged her to take care of him. He had decided to leave college to pursue a career singing in a rock band, of all things. These four years later, Maggie knew that Little Mikey had provided her with that proverbial "new lease on life." Now she had this terrible news to share with him, more than any child should have to bear. The first thing she did after she got the message was bundle up Mikey and take him to the Christmas tree lot. He skipped from tree to tree, sure the special one would speak to him, "Take me home with you."
"Rock stars and airplanes in the middle of winter." Maggie was wringing her hands nervously. The box tree was outside in the trash. The real tree with the voice that only Mikey heard and its special scent for Nana sparkled before her. She and Mikey managed to set it up all by themselves, thank you very much. Nana wore him out and now he was napping. Soon... soon she would wake him and find a way, a tender way, to the truth, truth she could hardly bear herself.
Her mind trip hammered back to 1963, John Kennedy and John-John, their lives now so much dust. 'How do we bear so much collective and personal sorrow,' she wondered. The voice of her Grandson offered the perfect and only reply. "Nana?"
"There's my big boy!" Nana smiled. Mikey was yawning and rubbing his fingers in his eyes. Nana got up and offered him a beckoning hand. "Let's go to the kitchen. I have a little project planned for the two of us. We're gonna make some Christmas candles."
She helped Mikey into one of the chairs at the dining table, then handed him a chunk of wax. "Texture," she whispered, "Feel its wonderful form."
Mikey's eyes smiled. "My hands make it warmer." He held the wax in his tiny cupped hands, infinite cradle, silly little nose tickle wiggle. "Oh, it smells sweet!"
"The scent of sugar bees,' advised Nana."Set it on the table, sweetheart. Tap it with this pencil and..."
Who knows when a child giggles. "Nana, it has sounds!" Tap. Tap-tap. His head turned, small ears listening close as he tapped the wax. "I hear it inside o' me!"
"Yes, oh yes," a Grandmother tear.
"Does it have milk, Nana?"
"No milk, its color is its own."
She scooted a chair over next to the stove, made a slow fire under a clear glass bowl. "Michael, come bring the wax." She took it from his hand, then helped him climb onto the chair. "Stand up and watch me," she said as she dropped the wax into the dish.
"Oh Nana, it smells like it's leaving!"
"Oh dear," Nana held his head against her breast for a moment, rocked slowly back and forth. "Sugar bees, Sweetie, it's the scent of sugar bees."
Mikey's eyes were wide, his excitement bubbling over. "Is it clouds, Nana?"
Maggie touched the fine hair on his head. "It is vapor, Michael. It is mist." She bent and kissed his face. "Yes, it is clouds, Michael."
"Oh no, Nana, now it runned away!"
"No, no," she whispered, smiled sadly as she slipped her hand into a hot mitt with "MOM" embroidered on the wrist. She jiggled the bowl a bit.
"It's indivisible just like God!" Mikey exclaimed in awe. "Look Nana, it sees me through it!"
Her fingers traced the outline of his face. She placed a pencil in his hand. "Tap it now, Michael. Be careful, it is very hot and will burn you if it touches your skin."
He pointed the pencil into a wisp of vapor, made airplane sounds, then drew it intentionally through. His eyes crossed for a moment then he carefully tapped the surface of the melted wax. "It ain't soundin', Nana!"
Nana bit gently on her tongue, forced herself to swallow, down, down, hard and down. "See Michael, it's still there," she said sweetly. "It has taken on a new form. We cannot see it. We cannot touch it. We cannot smell it. We cannot hear it. But Michael.. Michael, we can remember always what it was as we see it now for what it has become."
Michael clapped his hands excitedly. "I'm gonna keep its sound and smell in me, Nana!"
She turned off the slow fire, smooth wax. "So shall I, Michael, so shall I."
He sat quietly in her lap, fidgeted a bit, then, "Nana, are you gonna throw the wax away?"
"Never, sweet boy, never," she breathed into his hair. "We will make a candle of it, you and I. Then we'll light it every day, enjoy its warmth and light."
"For ever an' ever?" Each drawn out, the words lingered on Michael's lips.
"Each and every day,"Nana promised.
They are dressed now and soon to begin the walk, his tiny hand tucked tightly into hers. They climb into the first of the black cars behind the long car, its gray curtains goin' down slow. She is brave behind her veil, thankful for Michael, the child of her child, who, by his existence, demands of her grief strength and understanding beyond the transparent pale, its quick seize of sorrow. Later, much later, in the Christmas tree room, the two of them sit. She watches him as she watched her first two Michaels, the wonderful reflection of life, the tiny candle flame twinned in his eyes. "Nana," he cries, "I smell my Daddy singin'!”
http://wordwulf.com WordWulf Inquiries: tracy@traceliteraryagency.com & wordwulf@wordwulf.com ©artwork & words conceived by & property of Tom (WordWulf) Sterner©
~eight-year-old Christopher~ ~faces his terrible illness~ ~& parents who cannot deal with the awful truth~ ~his friends~ ~the birds~ ~carry him away~ ~what a child may teach adults~ ~ready & willing to learn~
~Christopher Early~
Christopher likes to wake up early. He presses the red button on the coffee maker so Mommy’s coffee will be ready when she gets out of bed. He goes to the cupboard and gets his favorite bowl. It has a smiley face in the bottom and ‘Christopher’ written in cursive on the side. It’s kinda crooked cause he made it himself last year in the second grade. His teacher, Mrs. Garcia, said it slipped when she fired it. Still, it’s a good bowl. He likes the way it makes him feel.
There’s a special box Mommy keeps with her sewing things just for Christopher. It has a spool of thread and a large sewing needle in it. On special early mornings he gets it and sets it next to his bowl on the table. He climbs up on a chair and takes a box of Froot Loops from the high shelf. He puts the chair away and fills his bowl with his favorite cereal, smiling at the goofy bird on the box.
Finally he sits down. He opens the tin sewing box and takes out the spool of thread. He rolls out a length of it, just right, then breaks it off. He licks the end of the thread, twists it between his fingers, guides it carefully through the eye of the needle. He stabs the needle through the holes of the Froot Loops in his bowl, then holds it up and releases them, watching them wiggle down the string. When there is only about six inches of string showing, he holds the ends together and makes a knot. He slips the circle of thread over his head and hums a little song his Daddy made for him. He repeats this procedure thirteen more times, except the new circles hold only five Froot Loops each.
Christopher carries the thirteen tiny necklaces in his cupped hands to the window of his bedroom. He sets them of the sill, then slides the window open. He arranges the necklaces in a nice neat row, then proceeds to wait for his Winter friends. They always come, first one, then two, then all the rest. They hop and twist their tiny heads, wild eyes and Christopher flies.
He used to play outside. Daddy and Mommy would hold his hands and swing him, one two three, up in the air. Mommy would push him in the swing and sometimes, when Daddy went, he would grip the back of Christopher’s swing and run all the way under him, flinging Christopher high into the air. Christopher would beg for these ‘cannon balls’ and Mommy would finally give him and Daddy one of her ‘serious’ looks and say, “Just one!”
That’s how Christopher’s leg got broken. When Daddy went under him, Christopher felt a whoosh of air between his bottom and the swing. Then he hung there for a while, suspended in the air. Sometimes he can still feel himself there, floating, before falling to the ground. His leg was twisted and it hurt real bad so Mommy and Daddy bundled him up and rushed him to the hospital. Sure enough, his leg was broken. The doctor set it and put it in a cast but that wasn’t the worst of the problem. Christopher was a bleeder, a hemophiliac. So they kept him in the hospital for a couple of days, helping his blood and monitoring him.
No more ‘cannon balls’. A year later, when Christopher began to feel very sick, no park either. He had a big grown-up disease and people were afraid of and for him. That’s when he began to make necklaces and fly away with his new friends. Mommy and Daddy weren’t happy anymore. They wore sad smiles and talked and wept late into the night. Christopher heard them but pretended not to know. They took him to lots of doctors and hospitals and sometimes when they returned home and Christopher felt a little better it almost seemed as if they could all be happy again. Until the next time.
One morning Christopher’s legs hurt so bad he had to use the walker-thing to make it from the bedroom to the kitchen. He climbed painfully onto the chair and almost fell getting his Froot Loops from the high shelf. He made it though. The pain tried to make him cry but he wouldn’t let it. The house was already full of tears. He started the coffee and made his necklaces. This time, only this time, he forced his stiff aching fingers to make two extra big ones. He put them in a circle around Mommy and Daddy’s coffee cups.
He put the thirteen tiny necklaces on his fingers, wearing them like happy delicious rings. He gripped the walker-thing, careful not to damage the gifts he had made for his friends. He was kneeling on his bed, arms resting on the window sill, small hands palm up and reaching out the window. He was too tired to take the rings off but it didn’t matter. This time, only this time, his friends flew to him, their wings fluttering kisses against his face, their tiny mouths careful not to injure him as they walked his palms, then flew away with the gifts he had made. And this time, only this time, Christopher flew away with them.
Christopher’s Mommy is mad. She drives her car with tears in her eyes, her face a mindless contortion of pain’s window. There are seven directions to go, she knows, East and West, North and South, Up into the Heavens, Down into Mother Earth, finally into Self. She ignores all six of the former and swims her tears into the latter. Mommy, what’s the matter? She drives to the car park and walks in her trance to the place with the marble stone.
Out of her bag comes a crooked little bowl, a tiny tin box and a colorful carton of breakfast cereal with a cartoon caricature of a goofy bird on the front. She sets the bowl on the stone and sits herself down in the snow. Her dress is old and her legs are cold as she makes a necklace for Christopher, then one for herself. She drops hers over her head, then makes a circle around the bowl with the other. She proceeds then to make the small ones, how many, how many, she wonders. She is mad for the answer as if it might fly her Christopher back into her starving arms.
Christopher’s Daddy is sad. He drives his truck with fear in his eyes. He drives North and South, East and West, but never ventures into the haunted worlds of the remaining three directions. He always finds her there, after all, at the far ends of the path of those four, physically anyway.
He tries to talk to her, to make her wear a blanket against the dark early morning chill. He loves her too much and forever and she pulls him down and down to sit next to her in the cold snow. She takes his face in her hands and asks him, “How many, how many?” He sits with her, joins her forlorn and lost agony. They weep in their Winter hearts like two mad and lost, unhappy children, beseeching the Gods.
They lay down as the sun comes low and flat, out of the East, one on each side of the stone. These are the places they have made for themselves, their hands reaching, fingers touching, over the mouth of the smiling bowl. The sun brings his tiny messengers, with their sweet songs of the crisp winter morning, wings smooth and fast against the silence of the dawn.
Their bodies are numb and that is good. The dumb pain of their mutual loving and hating, lost in the freezing sorrow of endless waiting. Dear God, forever is here. Christopher likes to wake up early.
http://wordwulf.comWordWulf Inquiries: tracy@traceliteraryagency.com & wordwulf@wordwulf.com © artwork & words conceived by & property of Tom (WordWulf) Sterner © ~Christopher Early was first published in Writers Room Magazine~
~they are gone to that place~ ~bravely going where we all must go~ ~no time for a gathering of ends~ ~those of us standing the line~ ~can only imagine what our world will be without them~ ~that wherever they have gone~ ~is a better place~ ~because they are there~
~I Would~
~if I could be a pillow~ ~a safe place~ ~to lay me down your grief~ ~I would~
~if I could be a basket~ ~I would gather all your sorrow~ ~cast it out into the seven directions~ ~I would~ ~if I could be a fountain~ ~I would flow with you~ ~through the seven waters of your spirit ~I would always be your friend~ ~I would ~ ~First published in Newsletter Inago~ http://wordwulf.com WordWulf
~I Would~
~if I could be a pillow~ ~a safe place~ ~to lay me down your grief~ ~I would~ ~if I could be a basket~ ~I would gather all your sorrow~ ~cast it out into the seven directions~ ~I would~ ~if I could be a fountain~ ~I would flow with you~ ~through the seven waters of your spirit ~I would always be your friend~ ~I would ~
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